Getting It Right In Reno

 

By Jerilyn Willin

 

      The countdown has begun.

      Perhaps your countdown is to your first RWA conference, or your first agent/editor appointment, or your first book signing where (Lord have mercy!) you are the author not the fan. Maybe your countdown is to a job interview or an important presentation. Whatever event is on the horizon, set a conscious goal to come across confident and professional. Be remembered for your grace, not your gaffes.

      Where to start? Start at the seat of your power. Start with yourself. Confidence and professionalism don’t begin with how many books you’ve written or what you do to earn a paycheck. Confidence lives inside us— in our head and heart. What a gift. For if something comes from within, we have a choice about it. No matter what goes on outside, what is inside determines how we deal with it, how we respond. You can forget the name of your manuscript, trip on your way to accepting the Golden Heart or spill your water at the job interview and still respond with grace (and be remembered for it).

      Two keys to a confident and professional demeanor are communication and presence.

      To paraphrase Shakespeare, “To be or not to be is not the question, but rather to be is to communicate; there is no question.” Communication affects every aspect of our lives. We communicate by our very existence. This is why “presence” is so important. Our mothers told the truth when they said “you never get a second chance to make a first impression.” The success or failure of any interpersonal encounter begins the moment a person sees you—before you say a word.

      Presence is the combination of appearance and behavior. Let me share an example.

      When I was in grad school, one of my classes required me to attend a presentation by an organizer for the Teamsters. Recall how “attentive” you were when required to attend something—especially on a Friday night. Well, that was me, slumped in my chair at the back of the room when the speaker was introduced.

      I saw a thirty-something woman stand up, walk across the front of the auditorium, up the stairs onto the stage and across the stage to the podium. The crowd quieted as they watched her. At the podium, she paused, looked out over the crowd, took a sip of water and said “Thank you, Jim for that thorough introduction.” Only then did she begin her speech.

      I was transfixed. In the late ‘70s, women speakers were few and far between. A female organizer...for the Teamsters—who would have thought? What really burned into my brain was her walk across that stage. In the time it took her to reach  the podium, she communicated through her walk, her clothing, and her bearing just who she was. Someone to be reckoned with. Someone who knew her stuff. She had that audience in the palm of her hand and she had yet to say a word.

      We communicate three ways: through our words, our tone, and our body language. Of these three, body language, our non-verbals are the most powerful.  They communicate our “presence.”

 

Posture and Handshakes

      One of the first ways we communicate is through our posture. Do you enter a room with your head high, shoulders back/chest out, and stomach in? Do you walk with the sense of “I belong here?” Or do you creep in, trying to make yourself small and unnoticed a la Dickens’ Uriah Heep? What aura are you creating?

      How’s you shakin’—handshake-wise? When you grasp someone’s hand in greeting do you go web-to-web and give the hand a firm squeeze? A firm handshake sends a confident message of “It’s good to meet you.” Too many women do the limp fish routine, simply placing their hand in the hand of the other person. Ick! Too many men try to grasp just a woman’s fingers, not allowing her the full shake. Get in there! Web-to-web. Practice until you do it without thinking.

      Eye contact is another non-verbal which communicates confidence and professionalism. While you are shaking the person’s hand, look ‘em right in the eye. Smile. Focus on making them feel comfortable and you will stop obsessing about how uncomfortable you might feel. Remember, in the immortal words of Billy Crystal as Fernando Lamas, “It’s how you look, dahling, not how you feel.”

      Here are two more things about eye contact. Ever had someone say good-bye and already their eyes are on the other people in the room? Feels like they have lost interest and are looking for someone else. You never want to leave someone feeling like that. When saying good-bye, look the other person in the eye until you are ready to move away.

Secondly, women often make eye contact with a man while he is talking, then look down or away when they are talking to him. Maybe it is a carry-over from early messages we got about “not coming on too strong.” Put those old messages on a shelf. Eye contact says confidence. It communicates sincerity and “take me seriously.”

 

Our Words.

      While our words convey the least information of our message (7% as opposed to 58% for body language), what we say does send a message. Women often diminish what they say by adding pre-ambles. For example: “You may have already heard a pitch like mine, but…” versus “Lucinda Crawford kicks butt regardless of who it belongs to until she meets Mangus Jones.” Direct, to the point, confident. Who cares what the agent has heard before your pitch? Yours is the one she will want. You know it!

      Words that make our message (and consequently us) sound weak are:

BE DIRECT

      Confidence and professionalism begin with you, in your heart and your head. If your heart is saying “yes, but this (presentation, conference, interview, meeting) makes me really nervous,” work with your head. Use the tips suggested here. Practice the handshake and the eye contact. Walk with your head held high. Get there early and greet the other people who arrive after you as if you were the host. When your heart feels the success your head has brought you, it will follow and you will fly.

 

 Jerilyn Willin is a consultant and coach in the field of performance consulting and executive coaching.  In 1996 Jerilyn began to write seriously. The following year she joined RWA. She was a Golden Heart finalist in 2000. Since then she has been a finalist or winner in a number of fiction writing contests.